��� 2005-01-03, 9:58 p.m.
Loopy New Year
This diary entry is brought to you by Lortab.
I thought I was going to have a nice day off. Go to my oral surgeon for a quick consultation, set up an appointment for the tooth ripping, hit the mall, grab some Starbucks. It was not to be. After sitting in the dental office's lobby for an hour after my appointment, I get called back. The doctor looks at me for about 3.5 seconds and says "Did you want to take care of that today?"
Well, why not. I have the day off. I'm there. I braved two freeways and unfamiliar streets to get there. Go for it.
Let's talk about nitrous. They call it laughing gas but I don't remember giggling. When it started to kick in I had this wild fantasy about dancing in a club in New Orleans with some guy. I have no clue what he looked like, but it was fun. Then they started to go to work and I was teleported to a jazzy party complete with a pianist making beautiful music on a black grand piano. It was champagne and caviar. Then I saw my husband standing near the piano wearing the blue silk suit he tried on in Vegas that makes me want to tear it off and have my way with him.
The blue silk suit became my mantra. They started yanking on the first tooth and I stared at the ceiling thinking blue silk suit blue silk suit. Don't know why, but it did seem to have a calming effect. Then, staring at the sprinkler system outlet on the ceiling I started to wonder what if there was a fire while you were in the dentist chair? Would they just bail and leave you there, suckin gas til you incinerate? I could just imagine myself stagging down the hallway draggin that wheelie cart of gass around behind me, looking for the exit.
Then I started thinking about Alias season one where they pulled one of Sydney's teeth as torture. Sweet Jesus. It was bad enough with local anisthetic and gas. Then I started wondering I was going to remember all the things I was musing about so I could write it down in my diary. *Sigh* always the writer.
Two hours later, after I made the oral surgeon's house payment, I drove to the pharmacy at Kaiser Permanente to fill my three lovely prescriptions. I am now short four permanent teeth and have a hole drilled in the roof of my mouth which has a chain attached to the tooth that was hiding under those pesky gums. The chain is attached to the wires of my braces. (Nice visual, I know.)
I started bleeding in the car and bled on my suede jacket. Fuck. Then I proceeded to bleed all over the lobby while I waited for my Lortab, Amoxicillan and uber Motrin. The blood and saliva filled those gauze pads in about two minutes. Finally I grabbed a load of paper towels from the bathroom, put them over my mouth, and sat there and bled like a freak. The lobby was busy and full. No one sat next to me.
That was six hours ago. Two Lortab later, I'm doing ok. A little pain, can't talk for shit, but the loopiness isn't bad. I'm also putting together my next book, "The Unconventional Diet" where I lay out the plan for quick weight loss by causing the dieter to inflict extreme pain on their mouth, thus eliminating the desire to eat. I've consumed less than 200 calories today. (Thank God for the egg and soy sausage patty I had for breakfast!)
As much fun as this has been, I think I'm going to get to bed before I start trying to fly across the living room or have a discussion with Midori about nuclear fusion.
I only wish I had a wine of the day...
NaNo - 2008-10-09
Too Long - 2008-07-22
It's Over 2007 - 2007-11-30
Sandbagging - 2007-11-05
Daylight Savings Time - 2007-11-03