��� 2005-04-23, 4:56 p.m.
ER
A lot of times I think work is making me sick. Making me lose my hair, my toenails, my mind. I was working from home on Thursday and started to get these nasty pains in my abdomen. At first I thought it was gas or indegestion or something so took some Pepto-Bismol. Hours later I was rolling around in bed wishing for a swift death. Six hours of suffering was enough. My husband suggested a visit to the doctor and I didn't argue.
After a wonderful pelvic exam to ensure my uterus hadn't blown up they took some blood and urine to do their testing thing. I started feeling a little better at that point, maybe my body said, "Oh, shit, she's at the hospital. Let's cut the crap and get back to normal."
My white blood cell count was high - apparently 11,000 is normal and mine was 16,000. My little kung fu fighter cells were out in force, kicking the ass of whatever infection was attempting to take hold in my intestines (or wherever.) Unfortunately this prompted the doctor to recommend a CT scan. Mother f&cker.
Bill and I sat in the ER of Northside Hospital for six hours, until just past two in the morning. I was force fed this wonderful barium shake. The friggin thing was HUGE and I had to drink it ALL. I was bloated and will probably never look at a banana smoothie the same way again. Then when I was nice and radioactive, they took me into the room to do the scan and made me drink another one. They guy running the machine had mercy on me and let me out of about 1/4 of it. I blessed him. Then he made me take my belly button ring out. Grrr.
When the results were in they were still at a loss as to what was causing my pain. By that time it had pretty much dissipated into an irritating little rock in my lower intestine. I learned that I have gall stones but that's not what the problem was. They told me to avoid surgery to remove the gall bladder and the stones I should eat a low fat diet and avoid alcohol. LOL! I told her to pencil me in for an appointment right then cause there's no way in hell that's happening.
Before sending me home they shot me up with some kind of anti nausea med and probably a whole giant hypodermic full of morphine. (I guess that was to keep me from asking well, if I don't have appendicitis what the f&ck DO I have?) I bounced in and out of conciousness for about fifteen hours. Remind me to never take that shit again. I felt like hell. My abdominal cramps were gone but all day Friday I was totally wasted.
So I had my first CT scan, my first IV, my first and second banana-barium smoothie and am probably still radioactive. (That green glowing spot on the arial Atlanta map...yeah, that's me.) All of that and they offered me no explanation. The closest I got was a speculation by a doctor that I was ovulating and had a cyst burst. Uhhh, ok. I only saw her for a few minutes so whether or not that's the case is anyone's guess. (Since we're on the subject, how many women out there actually feel themselves ovulate?? I have NEVER EVER felt myself ovulate.)
So I was supposed to evaluate today for second brown belt test. I was ready. Drugs or no drugs, ready or not here I come. If I pass out, so be it. At least Sifu would know I was working hard. So I called the school to confirm my 1:00 eval and discovered Sifu was not there and would not be there today, and that I should reschedule for next week.
Sometimes things really do work out for the best. I can hold off on my eval until the liklihood of fainting is lower. The weather turned chilly so I can hide the IV bruise on my arm that makes me look like I've been shooting heroin. Bill bought three beautiful light fixtures to replace the butt ugly brass shit in the hallway. It's all about balance. Life is a balancing act. I think right now I'm going balance a glass of Syrah with some crackers and brie.
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