��� 2004-09-08, 9:28 p.m.
One of those days
This morning really sucked, and it set my attitude for the rest of the day. Which sucks even more, since I proceeded to get absolutely nothing done. For about ten minutes this morning I was paralyzed, unable to do anything but stare at my computer screen.
After work I decided to skip kung fu and go to the liquor store, where I proceeded to buy $125 in wine. I hauled my voluminous purchases up to the counter where the clerk asked me how I was. I said "I think I had a bad day" and laughed. Either he didn't speak english or he didn't care, but he didn't laugh or appear to be amused. Asshole.
After that, I had a truely bizarre craving for fried chicken. So I went to Church's. I asked the girl behind the counter if the tender strips were all white meat. She said, "well...they white." Well ok then. After spending some time at home with the bird I remembered why I gave up chicken. Ack.
Maybe it was the foul fowl, maybe it was the shitty day, but I got thinking about life's purpose tonight. My deepest probing question has kind of been following me around:
If I died today, what would be my last thought? If I died today, what would be my regret?
When I was in Wichita my best friend asked me something like if I could quit my job and do anything in the world, what would it be? To my extreme horror, I did not have an answer. I've always had an answer to that question yet when she asked me I was speechless. I had to say I didn't know, which left me feeling even more...average.
It seems that I have pursuits but no focus. I have dreams but no plan. Existence without purpose. I guess I'd better figure it out. I don't want to die thinking "I should have...I could have..."
Just so I don't leave today on a lamenting, sackcloth and ash note, I have two runs lined up. The next one is the Duluth Fall Festival 5k run on the 26th. After that is the really cool one - the Run Like Hell 5k at Oakland Cemetery the weekend before Halloween. I've been wanting to see that cemetary (5 confederate generals, Margaret Mitchell, other historical figures are buried there) but it's in a really shitty part of town. I figure a run will give me a good tour of it and there will be plenty of people around. Later I can go back to explore more thoroughly when I know where I am. Plus I can go armed. (I have not figured out how to run with my gun.) So I'm looking forward to that. I have a running buddy for the Run Like Hell but no one yet for the Fall Festival. Better get on it.
Enough rambling. I have deep thinking to do.
NaNo - 2008-10-09
Too Long - 2008-07-22
It's Over 2007 - 2007-11-30
Sandbagging - 2007-11-05
Daylight Savings Time - 2007-11-03